A Newsletter on Marketing (and Life) #029

Customer convos + Empathetic Hopelessness

Author

Jordan Ogren
January 05, 2024

"What are you afraid of?"

I watched the Iron Claw with my brother this week. It's a tragic story and enlightening if you can grasp concepts such as accepting that we can not protect ourselves from life through strength, status, or money.

Life (God) does what it wants.

But one consistent theme throughout the sad film is being scared (afraid).

One of the brothers is on the phone with Kevin (Von Erich) before dying of suicide and says he's scared. Another brother said the same thing. Scared to let the Von Erich name down.

Fear is a hell of a drug.

We should also face and address it to live with greater freedom. I'm scared of many things. And I'm aware of and accept them.

I'm scared to:

  • Not becoming successful with my craft/art

  • Falling into a deep depression (again)

  • Losing the people I love

I'm terrified of much. And by being aware, I can work through those fears and live healthier.

You can't outrun them. Please don't try.

Let's face our fears together.

Enjoy this week's letter:

Marketing Micro Essay 💡 Talk to customers!

(Time to read: 1:22 minutes)

Next, let's put some strategies and processes into action to figure out who to make content for:

Strategy #1: Talk to your customers regularly

This one's simple yet hard to do. For some, their daily business activities bring them into contact with the customer. Usually in meetings or after-hour social settings. Neither are conducive to learning deeper things about them and your business. Don't be the guy talking (deep) business at the social.

Regardless, I believe it is critical to have regular customer conversations (also with non-customers). These conversations are anything but "upsells" or pitching. They are curious convos where you learn more about them and the progress they are trying to make. Figure out their struggles and successes.

Then, formulate questions for them, such as "Where/how do you go to learn/get better?" Another would be, "When trying to make progress, does content help? If yes, what type of content?" These dig deeper at whether the customer you're speaking to is who you should create content for.

After speaking with different segments of people, it will slowly become clear who to create content for. If none of them are on social or don't consume content in delivery channels you're strong in, it may be worth talking to people under or adjacent to them for whom to create content.

And once you figure out who to create content for, DON'T STOP TALKING TO CUSTOMERS.

Things change. It's essential to have (non)customer conversations weekly/monthly to stay close to them. It's also an easy way to continue creating resonating content (i.e., generate content from these conversations). Recording these conversations is a final tip I want to leave.

By recording and storing these recordings, you can easily tune AI to work for you easier than other brands who don't have these insights. If you want AI to produce quality outputs, you need high-quality context (input). Conversation transcripts are potent ways to use AI to brainstorm, create content, and plan. The outcome compounds as you continue having conversations.

Continue reading to learn a few ways to go about these interviews:

Three Books / Three Quotes

“Being an artist
means to be continually asking
‘How can it be better?’
Whatever it is.
It may be your art,
and it may be your life.”

“There is a gap in our thinking that comes from believing the way we see the world is the way the world really works.”

“The thing we need most is relationships. The thing we seem to suck at most is relationships.”

Heard / Saw / Experienced

Heard:

"We tryna find peace in the silence,
Tenderness, kindness
We tryna find peace in the silence,
Time with the family is priceless"

Peace in the silence.

That's something I can get behind (and focus more on). We need more of it right now. At least I do.

I hope you enjoy the song:

Saw:

The Iron Claw movie was not among the best movies I've seen.

But the (tragic) story is.

Seeing the over-dramatic telling of the story hit me hard. It made me realize how lucky I am to be alive, to have brothers, and to be able to chase my dreams (not my father's).

If you have time, look into the Von Erich story. Hulu has a series titled Dark Side of the Ring and has a great episode of their story in season 1.

Experienced:

I hate going to the doctor.

Not because I don't want to get a physical. But because I want to avoid the memories that come. The moment we learned of Kate's diagnosis.

This week, she had her infusion for her treatment. Everything went well, which I'm grateful for. But even then, I can't help but be brought down by it.

The feeling of helplessness as you watch the one you love get poked.

If you've been there or are currently there, I see you. I'm here for you.

Personal micro essay 🙆‍♂️ Empathetic Hopelessness

(Time to read essay: 3:13 minutes)

One of my guiding principles is to "have the strength for two."

As Brian Johnson, founder of the Heroic app, says, a hero has strength for two. And that is what I strive for. But sometimes, I cannot help another (or myself), no matter how strong I am.

The feeling I get when there is nothing I can do to help alleviate someone's pain is terrible. It's a hopeless feeling–a feeling I dread.

Ever since my wife (Kate) was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, helplessness has been a regular guest in my mental home. And after going in for her infusion this week, I was weighed down by this feeling. Before I continue:

I realize I am the lucky one.

It's a privilege to feel helpless for someone you love. It's a luxury to feel that! And I'm aware of that. But that doesn't negate how those helping feel. Moving forward, I'll use the word empathetic helplessness to describe how I felt. Shall we continue?

I also have a close friend who was days away from going to Switzerland for assisted suicide due to the intense pain he experienced.

He had a tumor on the bottom of his spine removed around the age of 14 and experienced horrible pain afterward. It took doctors over ten years to finally realize he had adhesive arachnoiditis. He was struggling to get the appropriate drugs (painkillers), which led him to the point where death would be an easier existence.

He was at our home when he told us that. Kate and I were devastated, yet we held space. For the next few months I would talk weekly with him. It was hard. I never said I disagreed with his decision. I accepted it.

This path would bring him less pain. I had to accept that path as his friend.

But I felt helpless throughout the process. I wanted to change the outcome. I wanted to improve the situation. I couldn't do a damn thing. I was powerless.

Thankfully, he is still with us, but that didn't erase the struggle I experienced as a "good" friend.

So, how does one deal with empathetic helplessness in a way that strengthens the relationship rather than erodes it?

Following will be an exploration into that:

Empathetic Helplessness Defined

I'll be honest; I never heard of this word before writing this. I cheated and had my friend CHAD (ChatGPT) help me understand this word and explore it. Here's CHAD's definition:

A deep emotional response wherein an individual feels powerless to alleviate the suffering or hardship of someone they care about deeply. It's marked not just by a sense of sympathy, but by a more profound emotional connection and a personal sense of distress over the loved one's situation.

And here's Bing's take:

It is often experienced by people who are repeatedly exposed to stressful or traumatic events, such as healthcare workers, therapists, and journalists. Empathetic helplessness can manifest both emotionally and physically, with symptoms such as feeling numb or disconnected, obsessive thoughts about the suffering of others, and self-blame.

I felt many of those final emotions for my friend and feel that frequently for my wife. As I'm working through it, I realize I must accept and expect this as a part of the process. Love (friendship) is a contract you sign, knowing you will keep it through all situations, even when it brings immense pain.

Love is ironic. The more you love someone, the more you are hurt when they are. And as we know, life doesn't care. It does as it will. We are merely in the way.

Rationally, you would argue it's better never to love. But, and that's a thicc butt, love gives so much to those who fall into it. You grow, become better, and flourish as a human through relationships. Only through them–no man is an island.

So, we need to know and accept the feelings that come when those we love suffer. And we need to recognize the range of emotions we could have. Emotions can include deep sadness over the loved one's plight, frustration at the inability to effect change, guilt over perceived inadequacy, and anxiety about the loved one's future. These emotions may be accompanied by a sense of mourning for the perceived loss of agency in helping the loved one (CHAD). For me, I feel guilt, frustration, and mourning, which leads me to become angry and eventually numb and sad.

After watching Kate have her infusion for 5+ hours, I began to fade. If not, I would struggle to be my best version. I revert to over-helping and pushing those feelings deep down, leading to adverse effects later on. Which is what we need to look at next. How can we handle empathetic helplessness in a healthy way that enables us to continue making progress?

2024 is here. What are you trying to make progress on? Let me know!

And thank you for reading this week’s edition!

– Jo (every second counts)