"Do you love yourself?"

While a simple question, I've struggled to answer it. Or at least give the "right" answer.

Initially, I would say, of course, I love myself. 

But then I think about how I talk to myself. I rarely, if ever, feel worthy of who I am, always pushing for better. 

And that kills me.

Because I realize how important answering "yes" is: "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." – 1 Corinthians 13:13.

Without love (mainly for myself), faith and hope do little. And are almost unattainable if I cannot love myself.

It's a journey, I know. But right now, I feel so far behind in this race.

Please share any advice you have for loving oneself. My inbox is open. Thank you in advance.

Enjoy this week's letter:

Marketing Micro Essay 💡 S2E5: Demand Gen + Paid Ads + Organic Content FT Jasmin Nakamichi

(Time to read: 4:10 minutes)

Jasmin is someone I wish I could spend hours chatting with.

Her humble and genuine soul is refreshing from today's marketing "hype gurus." She provided many insights without insisting, "this is how you need to do it."

If you want to learn the difference between demand and lead gen, how to do paid ads well, and how to create content that resonates, this episode is for you.

Here are the top five insights from our conversation:

1. Marketing should focus on long-term brand building (and short-term sales)

2. Generate content that provides value (not just to increase leads)

3. Attribution is an art (not a science)

4. The importance of a beginner's mindset in marketing

5. Focus on the quality of your relationships (NOT the quantity)

Click here to read the full essay on the top five insights from Jasmin

Listen to the episode with Jasmin

Three Books / Three Quotes

"If you want people to notice your brand or business–online or off–it's essential to master the art of grabbing attention quickly." – Brendan Kane (Hook Point: How to Stand Out in a 3-Second World)

I struggle with this concept. I hate clickbait content. And I also realize with so much content, you need to get (and hold) their attention quickly. Using a "hook point" is how to get that attention, whether in content or while "pitching" your business. 

The key is to realize you need to distill your message to its essence—the essence that the right person will gravitate towards. Spend some time crafting your hook point. While I'm still working on mine, here's a rough draft: I help you improve HOW you think about marketing through contrarian advice that others overlook.

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"One of the most important strategies for avoiding complex failures is emphasizing a preference for speaking up openly and quickly in your family, team, or organization.'" – Amy Edmondson (Right Kind of Wrong: The Science of Failing Well)

I remember when I broke my neighbor's window with a football. I recall how terrified I was to tell my dad. So I didn't. He eventually found out, and my ass still stings.

While irrelevant to the quote, many of us work in similar environments. A parent-child relationship where the child (employee) loaths telling their superior (short-tempered father) of a mistake because of the punishment. The question is, how can you create a space where people are quick to report their mistakes because they have little fear?

I'm not suggesting creating incentives for making mistakes and reporting them. I'm saying we should feel safe to report these mistakes and learn together, like two grown adults. Sadly, few organizations work this way...

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"Wise people don't tell us what to do; they start by witnessing our story. Wise people help you process your own thoughts and emotions." – David Brooks (How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen)

I had the misconception that wise people have the answers. They don't. They have the gentle ability to help others find their own answer. Why?

Because every human's story (experience) is different, and to help someone make progress, you must understand their unique context. Too many times, people jump into problem-solving mode. Which never works.

An old boss told me he would ask his kids if they wanted him to solve their problem or listen when they called. While it's better than blatantly trying to solve it, it still misses the boat. Listening is the ONLY way to solve their problem. "Their essential gift is receptivity, the capacity to receive what you are sending." That is the only path to progress.

Heard / Saw / Experienced

Heard:

I used to be a big WWE fan.

While my affinity has faded over the years, I was appalled to read the news about Vince McMahon.

Such a sick human. Who caused unbearable pain to another human (and how many others never or couldn’t speak up).

I realize we all have our vices and make mistakes. But to do the things he did and traffic her to other individuals in the WWE.

My heart goes out to her. And I wish my fist could go into Vinny.

If you want to be disgusted like I was, click here to watch the below video…

Saw:

Psychological safety.

Something we all desire but struggle to create. I saw a speaker share how this is a core component of effective teams this week.

I agree.

But then I look around and see how I rarely create that environment for those close to me. My wife is afraid to discuss certain topics with me. Peers struggle to give me advice, knowing I will get upset.

I want people to feel safe. I just haven't figured out how to live in a way that enables this. I've read Brene Brown. It just seems like one of those concepts (like enlightenment) that is not entirely achievable.

I know it is possible. I guess I need to keep working on myself and learning more about this concept.

What has helped you most understand how to actualize psychological safety?

Experienced:

I have a friend named Jack.

Jack is an incredible human with many talents. He can recreate any Black-Eyed Peas song (and plenty of others). He's why I stopped making hip-hop beats; I knew I'd never reach his skill level.

He also has autism.

My wife and I spent Saturday afternoon hanging with him. We played some VR, drank tea, and watched an episode of Bob's Burgers.

I can't help but realize how easy my life is.

I also can barely fathom the strength and hope his parents have to be able to be there for him.

And then my mind goes to what will happen when they are no longer here. I hate how I rarely can be in a moment without thinking of the future.

There is no lesson here. Aside from being there for your friends, which I'm historically shitty at. But I'm trying to mend my wrongs and be a better friend.

Life Micro Essay 💡Outsource your decisions to your process

“You’re going for a walk?”

“Well, I’m not choosing to.”

“What do you mean? You’re clearly choosing to go walk in 5 degree weather.”

“Every day around this time I go for a walk. So I’m not really choosing to. If I could choose, I’d stay inside today.”

That was a conversation I recently had (edited for clarity). And it made me think: How hard life would be if I had to choose the right action every time.

Instead, I decide before it happens—when I’m in my best state—and then follow through. I know that following through when you don’t want to (or it’s freezing out) isn’t easy or simple. But it’s a million times easier than deciding each time.

This is because making decisions takes energy. The word “decide” comes from the Latin word “decidere,” which is a combination of two words: “de” meaning “off” and “caedere” meaning “to cut.” The word “decidere” literally meant “to cut off.”

Cutting things off takes energy, both physically and mentally. That’s why delegating that work to a process or practice is vital for long-term success.

It’s why I’m a huge advocate for creating a process and following it religiously. Why? The process carries me to a higher level. I don’t have to do much other than define it and follow it. Brian Johnson (Founder of Heroic) calls this a protocol. And he says when you feel the least like following, it is when you need to most.

I find that to be true. The days when I don’t want to meditate are the days I need to.

Clearly, defining and maintaining a process is the prequel to this principle. Without that, you’re using willpower every time.

And as we know, willpower runs out (quick for me).

So that’s why outsourcing the decision to the process is a crucial principle I follow.

It helps me achieve better performance on autopilot. Each time I keep to the process, it’s easier to follow the next time. The same is true for writing. Each time you write, you’re lowering the cost to write in the future.

If I work out every other day, each time I keep my promise, I make the next time more manageable. Sure, some days will suck to go throw around some weights. But in the big picture, every time you stick to the process, you lower the cost in the future to follow it.

That should encourage you.

Meditating is something I’ve done daily for 5+ years. Before beginning, I could barely keep my mind still. At first, reaching 2 minutes of complete silence was monumental. Then, day after day, I got to 5, 10, 15, and now I sit for 20 minutes every morning.

But before committing (or promising) to sit daily for at least a minute, I had to choose each time. Instead, I put meditation into my daily process and then did it every day. Were some days harder than others? Of course.

I remember that in 2021 (two-ish years into meditating), I began having panic/anxiety attacks. I would sit to meditate, and my whole body would convulse. Just because I didn’t have to choose didn’t make it easier. But it did help me fulfill my promise. I am unsure I would have done it if I didn’t have it in my process. That’s the power of process and defaulting your choices to it. Bow to the process (jk).

So the next time you’re frustrated because you can’t keep your promise (going to the gym or writing daily), put it into your protocol and follow through. I know it sounds easy, but trust me, it gets to be second nature.

Or, you can keep using the cognitive power needed to make tough decisions like going for a walk in arctic temperatures 🥶

I’m back. After a while of struggling to write enough during the week to share two micro-essays, I’m making the time.

What is it that you want to start again, but you just haven’t found the time?

Make the damn time to do it. You’ll thank yourself like I am.

Wishing you a weekend of peace and joy.

– Jo (every second counts)